It’s hard not to want you,

though I know it’s wrong.

When you are so close,

I never feel as strong.

You don’t see me,

within your heart.

So here I am trapped,

falling all apart.

I’m not so good at hiding it,

like I hoped I would.

And your aren’t so good at

loving me,

like I wish you could.


I didn’t think I

could trust anymore.

Thank you, for

easing that sore.

I couldn’t think I’d

feel alive any longer.

Thank you, for

making me stronger.

I shouldn’t feel

I could ever care.

Thank you, for

opening me bare.

I wouldn’t believe

I could love again.

Thank you, for

drowning that pain.

I’d forgotten how

bad hurt could be.

Thank you, for

reminding me.

I hate the feel

of hurt so fierce.

Thank you, for

that sharp pierce.

I remember how

better numb sensed.

Thank you, for

that pain dispensed.

I never could of you


Thank you, for

being that monster

you believe.

I told a lie to

hide my pain.

I said I’m fine,

right as rain.

What is the point

in you knowing,

when it’s already


I bent reality

a tad.

I didn’t want

more hurt to add.

The truth is out,

under my nose.

Slaps in my face,

silent blows.

I hid the truth

to protect you,

but hide as I tried

it grew.

And swallowed me

down in my hells,

but mixed with my

heaven it quells.

I told a tale

to save you from my love,

something I fear

to even speak of.

Afraid of the truth

of what you feel,

living in a moment

that  seems surreal.

I told a half truth

just to save you.

At first I didn’t

notice how huge.

And now after

every day I’ve cried,

I’m so sorry,

I lied.

It’s been a while now,

and I don’t want to

lose that memory,

of how my skin tingled,

following the trace of

your hand.

The painful truth of

reality, slaps with

a strength of old emery,

trying to erase it all,

like the stormy sea

on sand.

I”m in way over my head

now, hanging onto my

insanity by a thread,

dreaming my days away,

wishing for a moment of

your thoughts true.

The exhausting mix

of all the emotions

I have bled,

but still holding on

and dreaming

traces of you.

It’s time to pretend

put on a mask again

pull it all inside

they want you to hide.

It’s time to pretend

that’s the face to send

all is rainbows now

no big, dark, grey cloud.

It’s time to pretend

feign you are on the mend

swallow that happy pill

fake the calm and still.

It’s time to pretend

no silent rules can bend

bury your pain in lies

paint on joker smiles.

It’s time to pretend

twisting, never an end

suck it up, happy face

act that scene with grace.

one more glance just to see

i know one more glance, too curt

one more hug just to need you

i know one more hug will hurt

one more dream just to torment

i know one more dream can’t free

one more time just to hold you

i know one more time wont be

one more touch just to feel you

i know one more touch will cost

one more kiss just to want you

i know one more kiss is lost

one more taste only just to know

i know one more taste i yearn

one more night just to love you

i know one more night will burn


just one more i believe

just one more, please

how bad it hurts to want you

and you’re there, but just

out of reach.

begging for the right answers

pleading of you, my heart

tries to beseech.

it hurts to pretend not to want you

to touch you, and bury my

face in your chest.

to hold back the urge to kiss

to feel your touch and memorize

your soothing, gentle caress.

and it hurts to teeter on the edge

that line between misery and joy

only you can give.

easing the longing pain I feel

bringing the love, my heart

begs to live.


Who would notice?

Who would care?

If I just wasn’t there?


Would you fight?

Would you stay?

If I tried to fade away?


Who could hold me?

Who could try?

If all I could do was cry?


Could you bare it?

Could you love me?

If that’s all I needed, just to be?

I seem to be, the one that’s

good enough to fuck.

but when it comes to more,

I never have the luck.

I’m that one close friend,

you spill your heart to,

but nothing more is felt,

you can’t see past only you.

I’m the one the crazies

seem to use and abuse.

Kept around for fun,

brought out to play and amuse.

Told I deserve to see the world

bowing at my feet,

promised of this perfect love,

I just have yet to meet.

But that faery tale has

started to fade to lore.

Crash and burn the dreams,

I’m never to be more.

I think your eyes see through me,

or at least they don’t believe.

Here I sit, soul nude to you

as is, fully exposed, never more true.

I beg your heart to awaken and see,

everything you say you want, is all I’ll ever be.

I was me before you came,

and forever I’ll be the same.

But you don’t see what’s right there,

your mind is focused who knows where.

So close you draw, I can feel your heat,

on the edge of a taste so sweet.

And then you pull back inside your head.

And I think of all I could have said.

Silently I scream at your closed doors,

if you want me, I am yours!

Open yourself, I plead you to,

I’m standing, right before you.

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